i lost someone. not the body but the heart.

It has been 3 months since my last update. Well, it doesn't mean that my life is as white as a paper, it's actually the other way round. I got lot's of dots and doodles on my paper. Just that i'm lazy to visualize it.

Forget about the older past, I just wanna talk about the bad lucks I got these days. Not that I lose in gambling or anything, but worst, I lost someone, yet a Special someone to me for this lifetime. Not losing the body, but the heart. The memories we have together are amazzin' I can say. All of this will happen till it is like now are because of my selfishness. I usually follow what my selfish and egoistic heart want me to do, and it always lead to uncertainty act in the end, which makes me stay on a T-junction. Left or Right, or Not moving. Most of the times it fools me, navigates me to the Right path, where there is NO turning back, and signals me there's a short cut on the Left. So, makes me no turn back for my act. Get noted that, I'm a contradiction person. I struggle against my heart sometimes, which makes me cant understand what i want, and, myself.

Just now, I was feeling sad. I thought of wanting to text p for a few times. But I got no bravery. Thinking of, what's my status now, how come people will wana care about me anymore? Or some more my deal is none of pz business already. hmm I do miss p now. Im sorry. =( It's almost 3 years of d already, a sudden of 'normal friend' really collapses my heart. I need time.

Other than that, till now, I still dont wanna talk to my bro. I can bare his attitude no more. Really pissed me off. Need this little sis to bare him sometimes. Jeeez Im not complimenting on myself, but I don't really show my frustration or moodiness to my family or friends easily, unless I'm really tired of it or I want them to notice on my feelings. urghh Everyone do got their limitations okay??! Again, need time. But of course, I know it will be over. I wonder when can we get back to 'bro-sis-cuddling-in-a-mad-way' time again. Look on ur busyness, i guess it's hard.

Tonight got into an argument again. urgh dont wanna talk about it. == It's my 'behsongness' days. Tomorrow who's gonna fight with me again? I can be hatred again. @@

-lamy.