past tense.

it all ended with a .
the end

It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart.
And i've faced it.times.shall i move on?

冷血動物

愛你是全身麻醉的手術 微弱的心電圖 因為你而起起伏伏 只要一點點人類的溫度 我就能被征服 我願賭就願意服輸 可是我心裡有數 我不是你的回憶錄 只是你的未知數 我翻了又翻你給的地圖 卻一直找不到我的歸宿 也許開始太倉促 才迷了路 為沒有結果的結果盲目 *我等了又等夢見的幸福 卻永遠只是你一根肋骨 我終於恍然大悟 不再上訴 只怪自己愛上的是一個 冷血動物 就算我變成一個拳擊手 我也下不了手 總不能找自己報仇 就算我乾了這手生啤酒 我也沒有對手 我也不能對你反駁 我們像兩個宇宙 我自甘著我的墮落 你一無你的所有 我翻了又翻你給的地圖 卻一直找不到我的歸宿 也許開始太倉促 才迷了路 為沒有結果的結果盲目 我哭得好累 想哭得很美 但哭得好痛 我翻了又翻你給的地圖 卻一直找不到我的歸宿 也許開始太倉促 才迷了路 為沒有結果的結果盲目 我等了又等夢見的幸福 卻永遠只是你一根肋骨 我終於恍然大悟 不再上訴 只怪自己愛上的是一個 冷血動物

（你不冷血 只是喜欢搞失踪 只好等啊 等）
------------------------------------------------------------------
就算预测了结果不是自己希望的 但还是会抱着一点点希望 因为一个人的一句话。。。
就算我能再怎么做都好 我还是那个没出息的我 给不了什么。。。
-好想找个洞钻

1515.

想你了 一个我只知道一个字的名字 但又不缺定的 太阳
明天太阳会出现吗？
因该还是会等没影子

你把我灌醉~

烦 累 泪
走火入魔了
我是怎么了
无言以对
-1122am


。。。


只能天天的期待 远远的看
眼看 心动 手不动

到处找你的影子
却有缘的在Aone碰见了你
你对我的笑
让我开心得连想起都会high ：）
-4+pm

。。。


生病了 咳嗽
我有发烧吗？ 身体烫烫的
我不要！ ><
我要做工 撑到最后！
为了钱 为了我的光线
-1240am

where's my hope.

I felt so moody in a sudden since the afternoon till now. And it's impossible for having no reason for it. I'm just confused. Keeping silence and quiet. Felt so empty. Felt that what's the meaning for having my life now. Felt tired for it. Felt tired for myself. Felt tired for everything. TT.TT

I promised myself to stay strong for the upcoming work. If i succeeded the task, i can think about aussie, think about my wish, my life, and maybe further, my dream, for i have a few in mind. I just F**kingly hate myself for being able to think, without giving a single move. EFF me! when will i change when will i change~

Sometimes i do hope that there's a med or *touchwood* (dont feel like cursing myself now.) that i've lost all the memories and started all over again, with a better person. haihhs~


New year, New hope?

unspeakable.

haihs

crap.

shit me.

what's wrong with me these days??!

i'm corrupted, badly.


有口难言!!!! urghhhhhhhh

emo.

i don't worth that shti.

i'm sorry.

don't ask. unspeakable.

='(

i love K. karaoke.

hmm quite emo today. Firstly is because of him, but it's okay already. Then, I know that they've cancelled the K-plan is to let me settled my problem between me and her, I hope it can be done in the K room, as im afraid I'll talk till crying there, in public. But in the end, I manage to settle it in the other way. :) I'm sorry, it's my problem. Then, thinking about my own other problem again, my tears naughtily dropped while I was sitting in eileen's car, while listening to an emo song? Thought of asking them wanna see me crying not (in a fun way), but i didnt. hehehe


Not only like going to K because i like singing,
but also when im moody too. =')


Hope he gets well soon too.

rain from me.

Yesterday I cried, because I'm emo on seeing someone that ever hurt-ed me deepdeep. I felt hatred and sad at that moment, even felt lost. And tonight, I cried once again. I felt quite stressed. Not because of works, but other stuffs. Not a good idea to throw them out up here, all I can say is, I'm losing faith. Why can I be such a jerk sometimes?

i lost someone. not the body but the heart.

It has been 3 months since my last update. Well, it doesn't mean that my life is as white as a paper, it's actually the other way round. I got lot's of dots and doodles on my paper. Just that i'm lazy to visualize it.

Forget about the older past, I just wanna talk about the bad lucks I got these days. Not that I lose in gambling or anything, but worst, I lost someone, yet a Special someone to me for this lifetime. Not losing the body, but the heart. The memories we have together are amazzin' I can say. All of this will happen till it is like now are because of my selfishness. I usually follow what my selfish and egoistic heart want me to do, and it always lead to uncertainty act in the end, which makes me stay on a T-junction. Left or Right, or Not moving. Most of the times it fools me, navigates me to the Right path, where there is NO turning back, and signals me there's a short cut on the Left. So, makes me no turn back for my act. Get noted that, I'm a contradiction person. I struggle against my heart sometimes, which makes me cant understand what i want, and, myself.

Just now, I was feeling sad. I thought of wanting to text p for a few times. But I got no bravery. Thinking of, what's my status now, how come people will wana care about me anymore? Or some more my deal is none of pz business already. hmm I do miss p now. Im sorry. =( It's almost 3 years of d already, a sudden of 'normal friend' really collapses my heart. I need time.

Other than that, till now, I still dont wanna talk to my bro. I can bare his attitude no more. Really pissed me off. Need this little sis to bare him sometimes. Jeeez Im not complimenting on myself, but I don't really show my frustration or moodiness to my family or friends easily, unless I'm really tired of it or I want them to notice on my feelings. urghh Everyone do got their limitations okay??! Again, need time. But of course, I know it will be over. I wonder when can we get back to 'bro-sis-cuddling-in-a-mad-way' time again. Look on ur busyness, i guess it's hard.

Tonight got into an argument again. urgh dont wanna talk about it. == It's my 'behsongness' days. Tomorrow who's gonna fight with me again? I can be hatred again. @@

-lamy.

please keep the elasticity, guys.

Honestly, i got a complicated thought and feeling right now, after I read a few blogs from the design gang. It seems that for a week i have yet met them, something changed. From what i read, it seems the bond are getting looser between the gang. And eventually, if not for bungamin, i won't be getting to hang out with them oftenly, or won't have any news about them. Or what can I say, i'm a failure friend too, cuz i don't contact much with them when or after school everyday, or sometimes even when we are together, i'll be the quiet one. i'm sorry, i just cant make myself to join the topic sometimes, or i'm a boring type to u guys. im afraid, and hate the feeling too. what shall i do. i miss the moments, and i miss all of u. :'(

闭关 避关 我要长出蘑菇

今天暂时不闭关了 也不关机了 因zhabor信息我 要不然我也想关机了
昨天关上手机 呆在房里一整天 闭得好累
也有在逃避的意思吧
但也逃不掉什么
前天母亲节也呆在房里 哭一整天
看《海派甜心》 真是催泪的戏啊 or也许是我自己找不到理由 就顺便地哭
顺便想说 杨丞琳，我爱上了你！

昨天的午餐没吃 今天的早餐也没吃
发现最近虽然不算很迟才起床 但我都不下楼吃早餐耶

最近的生活好累 好累
都不想踏出门 我要长出蘑菇~
我要快点飞~
最好那几天的时间给我过慢点！！
不想那么快结束能让我拥有的欢乐时光 （但我知道快乐时光一定会比正常时光快过个八百倍！闷）





好想飞到远远的。。。

生日快乐 我对自己说

刚好差一个月就是我19岁生日了
其实去年就想过不想庆祝了
因为某原因 还是举办了个party

今年呢 也许不举办party了
不懂原因 但想过想和someone special庆祝
但 无
so 也许自己过吧

Have you seen it?

不知道为什么最近对‘爱情’满悲观的
也许是看太多‘网友们’都一直在更换status吧
single 〉in a relationship / in a relationship 〉single 之类的
什么都有 要不然就是换对象
一时和某某说‘老公/老婆，我爱你，永远都爱你噢！！永远都不会离开你！！！’
少在那里我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米的了
几天后。。。便single。。 -,-"
请问你的永远就是这个定义吗？？ 我在怀疑你的小学。。。

觉得要找个能和自己长长久久的也难了
以前相信会实现的 如童话故事里的happily ever after般
但现在并不觉得了
连婚姻都能玩玩了 或是出现一大堆问题
无可否认，本人对婚姻没信心 对恋情更没信心 ：）


我是否想了太远了
但这的确是我现在的想法

最近emo满严重的
外表看似疯 内心想更疯
而讨厌烟的我 尽然想触碰它！

是不是傻了啊我

I'VE LOST FAITH...

慌 的感觉

突然来袭的感觉 很难接受
不由自主的都会打开来看 放着
这样的我 好累 也好讨厌
哎~

慌。的感觉


不好受

不知道怎么了。。心情突然低落。。。
i'll just laugh with my heart crying. =)

a day with them.

I got no class for the whole day yesterday, due to the cancellation class for C&C. Benji aka bungamin has asked me to go to school to hang out with them. It's really a hot sunny noon. We met up at uni and bungamin drove me, Nata and Derek to Spring, for K box. It's my first time singing with them..hehe Then we took some photo shots and Derek recorded a video of 3 of us high-ing and jumping around the couch. hehehehh Nata and I got high with Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend.hahah siao liao~

Later, Damien came and joined us with his friend, Wen Jing, not sure with her name. :x Then we sang 'wei ni er huo' 3 rounds. repeat repeat and repeat.hahahh lml ^.^ lml First time heard them singing a rock song. We fooled around with the wallpaper near the toilet after. lmao lahr them.XD We then headed to the food court and grabbed some food. Damien left his car key on the chair, luckily bungamin saw it. And we thought of trick him, but somehow i missed the part how he found out he lost his keys. >,< We then accompany Nata to Ta Kiong for her biscuits-hunting. LOL and off to uni to get back my lonely Xiao Huang~ *im waiting Derek to post up the photos.i have none.*



Then, at night, Nata and Bungamin asked me to go yamcha with them. Bungamin came and picked me up. Bunamin and I met up with Damien, Nata and Derek at 4 Points. No, we ain't that rich. We just took there as a meet up place. Bungamin brought us to his so-called nice environment place. But when we arrived there, I was like... *o.0 whaaaat? romantic meh???* hahahahahh it's a place for having seafood and beers-people-place. hehe *sorry lahr bungamin* but he did say the place changed already. Then I suggested to go Day Dream or Isabella, coz i never been to Isabella too. So we headed there. Bungamin and I still got lost looking for the junction, and Damien them just following us.hahah But in the end we found it too. We went to Day Dream this time, coz we can't make up our mind to go which, as both were just opposite each other. Just had some chatting and drinking and eating there.

As usual, I didn't talk much in front of them. Maybe some of the topics I cant get into too, or im just quiet, cant socialize. i don't know. i'm afraid that im a boring person to them. *and i really got emo-ed coz of this issue.* ='(

伊摸无罪

发现这个新的部落格都seldom有我emo的post耶。。其实前几天也有超emo的时刻，不开心，满想写的，但懒惰更新。。下次吧！I like to be emo sometimes! Emo is not that bad, it's just a person with full emotions and being sentimental. It is more preferable rather than cold-hearted people. Lastly, I'm an Emo. Bare with it.

烦人的自己

想想，有谁会在乎和愿意告诉我我的优点，缺点 / 好，不好 的地方。。。
我只想知道自己的哪方面会令大家怎样。。。
算了，不想多说了。
木 不好的晚上

烦烦烦烦真烦人

消失的傻理由

“爱 在世上是最尖锐和坚固的东西。。。

不需花费很大的力气，就足以杀害一刻怦怦跳跳的心。。。”

-se7enpoinsix.

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会发疯似地找我？然后因为找不到我而难过？

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会无数次的点击我的空间，看看我留下的痕迹？　

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会认真地用心地看我空间里的每一篇日志？然后理解我当初多么地珍惜你？　

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会在半夜突然醒来，想我想到泣不成声？　　

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会每天开着MSN等我？当你看到好友上线时心中一阵紧张，以为是我？　

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会看那无聊的喜剧流泪？然后狠狠地想我？　

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会在街上走的时候想到我？想到蹲在地上痛哭？
　
如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会在最快乐的时候想到我？想让我和你一起分享你的快乐？

如果有一天，我突然消失了，你会不会觉得你是想我的，其实你很在乎我？　

如果有一天，我突然消失了，我一定不会回头…而你要忘了我，继续幸福地过你的生活！
　　
是不是我真的消失了，你才会发觉身边有个我？

是不是我真的消失了，你才会想起来珍惜我？

是不是我真的消失了，你才知道怎样来珍惜我？

是不是我真的消失了，你才会感觉到当初我是多么得珍惜你？

是不是我真的消失了，你才舍得给我一丝可怜？你才会明白你真的失去了我？

是不是我真的消失了，你才懂得什么是真正的爱……

这是我在面书里看到的一篇‘短文’。。？其实我也想说，过去的我，曾经也有想过类似的问题。。是不是等我真的消失了，才能‘看到’你为了我而流泪，‘体会’我对你的重要，你才能了解我 为你而存在在你身边。。但看来，自己真的很傻，我也得学习面对，和接受一切都变得过去式了。说了放下，就放下吧。。。如果时间能倒转的话，我希望我能改变一些事。。

=[

Hannah Montana the movie triggered me to wonder who actually needs me... and who actually will be by my side when I need someone to be there. hmm~ Robbie Ray is a great dad. I actually tried and wanted to be by someone's side, but I guess now I'm just an extra thang...