O2, I gasps for you.

Im glad that I am alive, typing on this post. An hour and a half ago, I was suffering, gasping for air. All of this are happening because of my esurience (tamjiakness). I don't know what my mom was holding when she hopped into the car. It was cute. It's just like a mini version of an apple. Then my dad told me it was a China type of pear thingy. I thought it will be sweet, and of course juicy and nice. I took it over from mom, I smelt it, in instance it choked me. I didn't know why was it so, and gave it a small bite. At first I though it was okay, then mom told me to give daddy a try. I quickly bit another mouth, slightly bigger than my first bite, (coz Idk why, I don't really like to eat on something after my dad =x), after chewing for quite a sometime, I suddenly feel the uneasiness in my chest, throat, and nose. I asked mom for tissue, I threw out everything in my mouth, and my nightmare came. I started to gasp for air. I need to breath in hardly. I told my parents, I'm having breathing difficulty, suffocating. Mom and dad thought that I was 'playing' while eating, so that made me choked. I knew that, I didn't choke at all. After a few secs, I told them again, and yet they gave me the same reply. I knew that I'm suffocating, I don't even have the energy to speak to them, and I can feel that dad was looking on the rear mirror non-stop to get my view in front of him when he's driving home. I knew that it wasn't a joke. I'm so scared that something might happened to me, thinking that, what if I can't stand it for tonight? *touchwood* After home, I still cant breath normally, they drove me to Kuching Specialist, to 'puff' (for Asthmatic patient, if only they need it). But I didnt do it, we walked to a kopitiam nearby, and i drank half a cup of hot milo. After sitting for some moment there and in the car, I felt little better, and back to home again. And I'm thinking of someone and something at that moment too. So now, I'm glad that I'm sitting here in front of my lappie, and breathe normally. (still got a little bit of uneasy feeling.)

[idk that the fruit was marinated with some kind of vinegar thingy, maybe that's why it numbs or somehow contracts my muscle in my throat..or something? Makes me suffocating. In conclusion, Eat With Small Bites. LOL and of course, no tamjiakness.]



[[ohya, tonight is the very first time I'm saying (writing) ILY to biggie bro in his b'day card. ohh touched sei. LOL]]

Rock the 70's!!

haa~ Finally got my blog a new layout! I'm lovin' it. ohh that sounds familiar, eh? Back to the topic, actually I just thought of changing my fonts stuff in 'design', who knows, I had found out 'template designer' with a 'new!' word beside it, itchy fingers, I clicked into it and woohlala, 'explored' this layouts stuff. Yeah, guess I'm outdated already. >,< But who cares, I'm loving this layout.

It has a strong liking feel from me, a vintage kind of feel, I love vintage style! And from what I see, it somehow makes my posts to appear like a story, or movie, which is told, like hundreds of years ago or from your grandma. hmm guess I think too much. haha But seriously, the feel is there.


i like this editing. i thought of editing a pic of me leaning against the wall, beside the stairs. hahaha wait and see.

And seriously, I plan to print out and paste these kinds of vintage movie posters on one of the walls or a corner in my room / office room (if i own one) / house in the future. It would be cool enough to be a background for black n white or serpia photo-shooting. Rock the 70's!!
Here's some examples.











[i don't know whether these movies do exist not, i dont care much, i just go for the style.]

[Credits to loads of websites.]

傻女孩，心疼。。 自备tissue.

老公啊，我们什么时候能结婚啊？ “老公啊，我们什么时候能结婚啊？”女人一脸好奇的问，从声音分辨，她是很轻快的询问！他们在一起时间不久，两年而已，相处两年的情侣到处都是，随便就能抓出一大把，而现在的人，能有几个在交往的时候考虑结婚的？
“现在工作上也没什么突破，过两年吧！”男人轻轻柔柔道！
“哦！”没有失落亦没有兴奋，似乎预料中！
“老公啊，那假如有孩子了怎么办？”
“你有了？”男人严肃的握住女人的手，眼神犀利的盯住她！
“你抓痛我了啦！”女人喊了出来.“我是问问而已，有了我会告诉你的！”
“老婆，你记得，以我们现在并不适合要孩子，经济上也许可以不用顾忌但是心理上还无法接受，养育一个孩子不是养育一只小宠物那么简单；如果有了要告诉我，我会陪你去医院的，明白吗？”听了女人的话，男人放下心来，也柔下声音来对女人说着自己的观点！
“你放心好了啦，我不会那么不注意的，即便是有了也不会瞒你的，嘿嘿！”女人清爽的声音再度响起！但在心底，女人不知道是否该赞同男人的话，彼此工作其实都不错也算稳定；已经多次思考过，男人只是交往初期提到过结婚，而当彼此交往变得稳定后就没有涉及过婚姻；女人虽然大大咧咧但不是真的傻！其实真不知道他们之间的问题到底出在哪？是不爱吗？虽然感觉不到爱却也没感觉到哪不爱，也许是时间让彼此都沉静了！现在他们住的房子，一半是女人出钱按揭的；她习惯平衡！平日逛街，他也从来没有陪过她，她从来不觉得有什么不舒服，毕竟习惯自娱是最容易快乐的方式，这时候却想到这个动作是否也能衡量他的感情。

“老公啊，今天你陪我逛街好不好？你还从来没陪我上过街呢！”女人撒娇的说.

“忙呢！乖，怎么今天想到要我陪了？”男人漫不经心的问！
“那你要不要嘛？”
“自己去吧，要买什么自己去提款就是！”男人的眼光始终专注在文件上！
“老公，我突然想嫁给你了，怎么办？”清纯美丽的小脸上闪亮的大眼无辜的望着男人；这句话把男人的注意力拉回到她身上。男人望着眼前这个没被现实的残忍划下太多痕迹的女子，隐隐的不耐与无力！
“那张纸对你来说是什么意义？”男人放下手上的工作打算和女人好好的谈一次！
“不知道！想和你结婚跟那张纸有牵连吗？”
“你想结婚不就是想要那张纸吗？”男人牵动了下眉。
“如果你那样想也可以啦，你有没有想过和我结婚？其实也是在问你的未来有没有把我算在内！”依然是轻快的声音。
“从一开始我就是打算和你一直走下去的，你不会不明白。”男人间接的回答。
“你从来没有直接的回答过我的问题耶，不管是怎样的问题都好！”女人把声音放到很嗲；“好了啦，不跟你讨论了，免得气死我自己！嘻嘻，那我自己去逛街啦，不要你陪，哼！”话音一落，她拿起包以轻快的姿态走出房间！
身后的门一关上，原本笑意盈盈的脸瞬间沉下来，换上一脸苍白与哀愁，眸底有着让人捕捉不住的幽晦迷离！迈出脚步，缓缓的走在人潮拥挤的路上，脑子里一片空白却也塞满了思绪，一直都以为自己是很快就能过渡伤害放大欢乐的开心着，这次用尽了力气，却做不到；泪水直流！有的时候不甘愿输给命运却不得不屈服于宿命！

快乐的妖精这会，不快乐！哭够了，收起眼泪扬起笑脸，冲到步行街给心爱的他选了十套西服十件衬衣十条领带十个胸针十双袜子十双鞋子，信用卡几乎被刷暴，但是她笑得看不到眼！这时候的她，又是一个精灵，能感染人的精灵！

东西太多扛不了，只好打车回去！得意洋洋的向他炫耀自己的战绩，他看到那么多的衣服，嘴角边隐隐的抽搐，看着身旁这个做事向来一鸣惊人的她不知做何反应！
“老公啊，这些都我挑的，不错吧？”看着自己挑的西服她自我陶醉，对自己的眼光她向来自信！
“老公啊，这些衣服记得已经慢慢穿哦，今天看到好看的心血来潮就帮你买了！哼，你要敢说一个不喜欢的字眼，我就让你吃不了兜着走，听到没？”插着腰威胁，故意板起那张娇滴滴的脸！
“好！我不说不喜欢，但是你买这么干什么？你怎么总是那么浪费！”男人语带指责。
“哎呀啦，老公，反正都已经买了你骂我也没用啊！你就多疼我一点也喜欢上这些衣服吧，好不好嘛？”撒娇的摇着他的手，一脸的委屈状！他回她一个无奈的眼神，揉揉她的头发；
“好好好！你呀，以后记得别这样了听到没？否则就算你撒娇我一样不饶哦！”
“恩恩恩恩！”拼命的摇晃着脑袋！
嘿嘿．．．嬉嬉．．．”女人一直在咧着嘴傻笑个不停，男人见状亦拉开嘴笑了出来，他的女人太可爱了，和个孩子一样无忧，也有成熟女人的知性；有“妻”如她，还有什么不满足？他在心里也在琢磨着见家长的事，一直都不再提起结婚的事只是想给她一个惊喜，当初在一起的时候，他就下定决心娶她！



“老公啊，我这个月回家去陪我妈妈好不好？毕业到现在我都没有在家好好呆过呢，妈妈好想我了，我怕弟弟娶到的老婆欺负我妈，我要回去好好‘教育’弟弟去！”晚上的时候她楼着他，手在他身上挠着痒痒，他边逃开他的魔爪，边取笑：“你终于有良心记起妈妈啦？”

“嬉嬉，人家我可是乖乖女咧！老公，我买了明天中午的机票，这段时间你可要好好照顾自己哦！”
“原来你是有计谋的啊，我说你怎么忽然对我那么好！”男人假装凶神恶煞！
“哈哈，你装的都不像了啦！讨厌...”
笑声溢满整个世界！
半个月过去，男人耐不住没有女人在身边的空寂，思念她的调皮，想念她的体温；拨通她电话，男人细声细语的磨女人赶快买票回来！电话里她清爽如银铃般的笑声回荡在整个脑海里令他眼圈犯红！
“老婆，你回来好不好？我们结婚吧！”
电话另一头刹那静如死寂！“你，不是不想娶我的吗？”沉默过后，女人轻轻的问！
“我不是不想，我是想在适当的时候给你一个惊喜，只是还是熬不过思念先说了！”男人解释着！
“嬉嬉，好啊，你等我回去好不好？”女人恢复精灵样！似乎得到了全世界一样！
继续半个月过去了，男人见女人迟迟不归，再次拨通电话；这回电话响了好久才被接起，却是女人的弟弟接的，男人询问他女人怎么还没回来，弟弟说她那里还需要处理点事，还没那么快能走开，告知很快就回，请他别挂心！

再半个月后，男人接到来自女人弟弟的电话，电话里，弟弟让他马上过他们家去，说女人有事！男人吓到了，定好机票如箭般飞奔机场！
到了x市，女人的弟弟接机，弟弟一眼就认出男人，一路沉默的把男人领到医院；不祥的预感笼罩着男人，病房门开，女人瘦弱苍白的脸震撼住男人，心猛的被狠狠的揪了一把，绞痛难耐！拖着软无力的腿，迈到紧闭双眼的女人身边，用手，轻轻的抚着那熟悉的脸颊，一下一下的抚摸着！
“姐姐胃癌晚期，拖了两个月了！”弟弟在一旁轻轻说着，女人的父母眼圈瞬间又泛红！
这个意外，真的太意外了，意外到连怎么回事都弄不清楚，意外到他感觉自己是在云端！胃癌，原来女人总是说没胃口总是不吃东西，说减肥是女人的终身事业，这一切都是借口，他责怪自己怎么就没用心去观察过；怪自己那么大意让女人独自撑着这最难熬的日子！女人去天堂后的半个月！从女人住的那个城市寄来一封信.

男人看着熟悉的字体,浑身颤抖：

亲爱的老公：
一定在想我了,是吗？一定是的.我在天堂都感觉到了呢！
老公啊，你说想和我结婚，真的好感动哦！原本以为你只是想和我在一起并没有和我共度一生的想法！老公，谢谢你的爱！和你在一起啊，真的是世上最幸福的事呢！每天早上醒来你都会喊手麻 ,嬉嬉，知道吗？老公，这是最最感动最最记忆犹新的片刻，在家的这些日子我都睡不着，没有你的手臂当枕头没有你的怀抱当港湾；但是我不后悔，我不愿意你看到我被病魔折磨的不成人形的样子，我相信换你你也不会让我看到自己痛苦的一面！老公，原谅我，以后只能在天上笑给你听了！

老公啊，一年前，我是多么希望时间能够定格，多么想永远永远都把你铭记于心底,但是发现怎么看你都看不够，我不知道要怎么做才能让心里舒服点，我知道你爱听我笑的声音，其实我自己也好喜欢自己的笑呢，所以就天天笑，让你永远都记得我，是不是好自私？我怕我走了之后你把我的一切都尘封进一个连碰都不会去触碰的角落里，我好怕，怕在那里我会冷，所以就用爱让你对我刻骨铭心！我把每天当成最后一天来过，所以，够了，今生有你，够了！

老公,上次帮你买的衣服袜子鞋子，你每年在我离开的那天穿上一套去看我好不好？十套，那就是十年，十年里，你只能用十天的时间想我，在特定的那天里，你才可以想起我也不准不想我，你知道我喜欢紫色玫瑰花，记得去找到哦，我对我老公可是很有信心的呢！记得，一年就是那一天能穿，别的时候不要去碰那些服装，如果你忘记了，那么在你老之后看到那些衣服，也许能想起我的这个要求呢！

嬉嬉，以后你娶老婆了，记得在那天的时候带来给我看，但是不要告诉她我是谁，是女人都会介意的，就说．．．呃．．．就说我是你的青梅竹马好不好？我好羡慕那些青梅竹马长大的人哦！以后你娶老婆了，那她就是“咱老婆”，你要对咱老婆好哦，就像对我这样，因为我在天上看着呢；虽然我会哭会吃醋，但是我更不舍得女孩子伤心；下辈子用力用力的缠你一辈子，直到老去！
老公,那次我任性和你提分手.但是现在的你一定也是在哭，对吗？不只是眼睛哭，帮我笑完今生，好吗？从现在开始，不要悲哀不要消沉；想我只要用十年里的十天；十年后把我从生命里彻底清除，我自私，但是我怕我的自私让你恨我；所以我就赖你十年，就十年好不好？十年，我们就真的忘记彼此，期待来生！已经在履行约定的傻孩子 .泪滴湿了信纸，男人痛哭失声！天渐渐的暗了，黑了，窗外灯光斜射了进来，男人整理好情绪；“老婆，我记得你十年，想你用十天，来生还你一辈子！”轻轻的，对着天际呢喃
.学会珍惜！
不要让爱你的人受到一丝一毫的伤害！
不要等到失去了，才痛不欲生！


如果，你感动了，
请你一定要保存
让更多的人看到它！
让更多的人要学会珍惜！


[credits to FB]

i lost someone. not the body but the heart.

It has been 3 months since my last update. Well, it doesn't mean that my life is as white as a paper, it's actually the other way round. I got lot's of dots and doodles on my paper. Just that i'm lazy to visualize it.

Forget about the older past, I just wanna talk about the bad lucks I got these days. Not that I lose in gambling or anything, but worst, I lost someone, yet a Special someone to me for this lifetime. Not losing the body, but the heart. The memories we have together are amazzin' I can say. All of this will happen till it is like now are because of my selfishness. I usually follow what my selfish and egoistic heart want me to do, and it always lead to uncertainty act in the end, which makes me stay on a T-junction. Left or Right, or Not moving. Most of the times it fools me, navigates me to the Right path, where there is NO turning back, and signals me there's a short cut on the Left. So, makes me no turn back for my act. Get noted that, I'm a contradiction person. I struggle against my heart sometimes, which makes me cant understand what i want, and, myself.

Just now, I was feeling sad. I thought of wanting to text p for a few times. But I got no bravery. Thinking of, what's my status now, how come people will wana care about me anymore? Or some more my deal is none of pz business already. hmm I do miss p now. Im sorry. =( It's almost 3 years of d already, a sudden of 'normal friend' really collapses my heart. I need time.

Other than that, till now, I still dont wanna talk to my bro. I can bare his attitude no more. Really pissed me off. Need this little sis to bare him sometimes. Jeeez Im not complimenting on myself, but I don't really show my frustration or moodiness to my family or friends easily, unless I'm really tired of it or I want them to notice on my feelings. urghh Everyone do got their limitations okay??! Again, need time. But of course, I know it will be over. I wonder when can we get back to 'bro-sis-cuddling-in-a-mad-way' time again. Look on ur busyness, i guess it's hard.

Tonight got into an argument again. urgh dont wanna talk about it. == It's my 'behsongness' days. Tomorrow who's gonna fight with me again? I can be hatred again. @@

-lamy.